On a dark frozen highway, Arctic wind in my hair
Warm smell of provolone rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
A man promising NIL and playing time, I had to stop for the night
There he stood in the doorway, he had a recruiting pitch to sell
And I was thinkin' to myself, "This could be heaven or this could be ****"
Then he lit up a Acebeam and he showed me the way
There were voices in the athletic center, I thought I heard them say
"Welcome to the Wisconsin Cheese Badgers
Such a frozen place (such a frozen place)
You’ll soon freeze your face
Plenty of playing time with the Wisconsin Cheese Badgers
All the NIL you need (all the NIL you need)
You can find it here"
His schemes were twisted, his coaching made no sense, uh
He’s got a lot of talented kids that are riding the bench
How they waste on the sidelines, snow on their heads
Some scream to remember, some scream to forget
So I called up their Collective, "Will I get paid on time?"
He said, "Our budget is approximately $19.99"
And still, those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the tundra just to hear them say
“Welcome to the Wisconsin Cheese Badgers
Such a frozen place (such a frozen place)
You’ll soon freeze your face
Plenty of playing time with the Wisconsin Cheese Badgers
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Our NIL has gone dry”
Icicles on the ceiling, the whale blubber on ice
A teammate said, "We are all just prisoners here of Coach Fickell’s device"
And in the athletic center igloo, they gathered for the feast
They served us plates of cheese and lard and some unidentifiable Arctic beast
Last thing I remember, I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back to the place I was before
"Relax, " said Coach Fickell, "We are programmed to receive
You can transfer any time you like, but you can never leave"
