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Thoughts From the Bench Press: Cal

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TriStarCane said:
Here is the truth. Cal leads the country in picks. Cam has struggled with turnovers with them in the past. Their offense is predicated on running the ball. If we limit TOs and get an early lead by scoring TDs in the redzone, we will win and cover. If we look anything like we did against VT we will have to pull it out of our *** again. I think Bain makes a huge impact on the freshness of others. We need to tackle and not give up chunk plays because we didn’t get guys down. We need much better games from Kiko, Wes, and the entire back 7. We need to help Bell in pass pro. I have us winning 38-21
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No Rivers, i guess...... man we need him at LT
 
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skyman said:
Yes I think our offense lights it up.. 45 points..

I could see their wr having success IF our dline doesn't get home but they should eat this game big time
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I changed my score prediction based on the absurd amount of superstition I have right now

It’s bad
 
JHallCanes said:
Before we dive in this week I just wanted to say a thank you to the homies here that reached out as we have been dealing with the fallout from Helene. The Carolinas took a beating and I know many here are from Florida and this is a daily occurrence for yall

I know we talk **** and bust balls here but it’s still just a game and I hope everyone here gets to watch the game in peace with their families and friends and if you’re traveling to Cali for the game I hope you are safe…and

And…

The ****…

Wait…

JUST PLAYING CAL THIS WEEK IS TURNING ME SOFT. FUCCCCKKKKKKK THISSSSSSSS

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Ahhhhhhhhhhh….thats more like it

Let’s try this **** again….

Mother****ers and ****ettes (yes California they are two different things) load another set of 45s on the bar, toss a splash of DMAA in your protein shakes, and identify your gender to the nearest stripper because it’s ****** BENCH DAY


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Last week we avoided absolute disaster by surviving about 200 different factors that normally derail a Miami season….most notably the referees

Those minutes felt like hours. The trauma was inevitable. Somehow they called it a TD on the field and we all knew what was coming

Last time my ******** was that puckered up was ironically at a California strip club when I noticed the baseball sized Adams Apple below her chin

But then it happened

We got the right call. Finally.

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Now a good sized part of our fanbase has lamented how poorly we played that game

That’s fine

What I took from it was this really is our season of destiny

Florida sucks. FSU sucks. Notre Dame lost to Northern Illinois. The refs are doing the right things…

This is it Canes fans. It’s all there in front of us.

This is a new year

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Next stop on our playoff push is a newcomer to the ACC: Cal. Cal in the ACC…k

(Fortunately for all my TRT abusers there’s no shortage of needles this week just check the sidewalk around the stadium)

Anyway. Here’s some fun facts about Cal:

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But here’s some stuff to know:

State Slogan: “We’ve got more genders than Baskin Robbins has flavors”

State Landmarks: The Hollywood Sign, the Redwood Forest, and the largest pile of human ***** on a sidewalk in the world

State Bird: The governor because he identifies as a woodpecker

State Flag: well….you know

State Tree: the one with the hippy hugging it

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Even though this is a road game for our beloved Hurricanes, I expect the crowd to be about as hostile as the Border Patrol when they find out the people will be voting Democrat

The Cal crowd will feature more trannies than Auto Trader

Here’s why we stroll into Cali and hit them harder than HIV in the 80s:

Cam: We can over analyze our season all day (speaking of overanalyze….california amirite?) but much like a 15 year old that just got high speed internet, everything revolves around his right arm. In his worst performance as a Hurricane all he did was throw for 4 TDs, 400+ yards, and engineer the game winning drive. He is him.

Barrow: Right now he is the linchpin of our DT spot. We pretty much knew this coming into the season but unlike those tofu and kale diet *****, Barrow has been super solid. He’s gonna be as active in the A gap as John Holmes before he lost all that weight

Malik/Popo: I lumped them together because it’s California and that’s what they do. We know the starters but we’ve been waiting for young guys to emerge and these two are the next ones. Wait till Cal finds out his nickname is Popo…they will definitely be running in fear from him

Arroyo: He is everything he has been billed up to be. He’s more of a wide receiver than a tight end…and honestly…there’s so many Cali jokes in that sentence I’ll let yall go ahead. But seriously Cali hates a tight end so I expect him to feast. Wow I’m whoozy


Verdict: People have claimed that the trip out west in gonna be a problem. That’s not what I’m personally worried about. It’s the air quality and elevation we need to adapt to

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Once Cam gets acclimated…we roll

Good guys 31
Bad guys 17

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(In a hetero way)
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Cam is way too classy to curse. He is a real leader and role model. **** I’m 65 and I look up to this kid!! Go Canes!
 
JHallCanes said:
🫡

Thank you, sir!

I giggled about the Auto Trader one I can’t even lie
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**** , brother . You outdid yourself. HOF worthy **** you put out there today .


As far as the VT game, when that kicker started making those 8 mile long FGs i thought of the UNC halloween game way back when that seemed to start our 20 year run of misery..... that #%&#@^& @JBCanes-NC still brags about that game to this day ... f#$$^&t he is .
 
Dr.L.ThugU said:
**** , brother . You outdid yourself. HOF worthy **** you put out there today .


As far as the VT game, when that kicker started making those 8 mile long FGs i thought of the UNC halloween game way back when that seemed to start our 20 year run of misery..... that #%&#@^& @JBCanes-NC still brags about that game to this day ... f#$$^&t he is .
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I gotta tell ya man I know we kinda laugh about it (because it’s painful) but these kickers making field goals against us is OLD

Tired of that ****
 
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LFG!!!

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JHallCanes said:
Thankfully the internet has been coming back to life here. That first part was kind of serious it’s been a **** of a week

Time to toast some whiskey into the late night 🥃
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I bailed from the mountains to Charlotte for power and internet (mostly for the game but didn't tell me wife that). Arriving here apparently made my power go back on (and internet since my thermostat is responding to phone). I'm thinking I'm heading back in the morning because at 5-0 from there I just can't risk it.
 
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NCCanefan said:
I bailed from the mountains to Charlotte for power and internet (mostly for the game but didn't tell me wife that). Arriving here apparently made my power go back on (and internet since my thermostat is responding to phone). I'm thinking I'm heading back in the morning because at 5-0 from there I just can't risk it.
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Glad you’re safe brother. I know a lot of people that went to Charlotte for refuge

We happened to be in Louisville last weekend so we missed the bad stuff. We had people here to care for our pets but they had a rough time getting here. Since we got back it was kind of sifting through the aftermath but we were incredibly lucky
 
Dr.L.ThugU said:
**** , brother . You outdid yourself. HOF worthy **** you put out there today .


As far as the VT game, when that kicker started making those 8 mile long FGs i thought of the UNC halloween game way back when that seemed to start our 20 year run of misery..... that #%&#@^& @JBCanes-NC still brags about that game to this day ... f#$$^&t he is .
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How was Thailand?
 
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I was watching LockedOn Canes and they had some delusional Cal fan say that "It is for the best that Cal lost to FSU" because it was a wake up call and he predicted an 11 pt win for Cal (31-20). Lol. The wakeup call is that if you can't score more than 9 points against FSU, you suuuuuuuck
 
JHallCanes said:
Glad you’re safe brother. I know a lot of people that went to Charlotte for refuge

We happened to be in Louisville last weekend so we missed the bad stuff. We had people here to care for our pets but they had a rough time getting here. Since we got back it was kind of sifting through the aftermath but we were incredibly lucky
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Thank you.

We made out so much better than many others. Hard to imagine what it is like for the folks who aren't in WNC and can't see for themselves.
 
People pretending Cal is viable have to be stopped. The same Cal that won 31-13 over UC Davis. The same Cal that lost to FSU and barely beat a dead horse in Auburn? This game will not be close. The best thing about being on the east coast is being able to say we ****ed their bum asses up two days straight. *** whooping starts Saturday and ends Sunday, let's do it :devilish:
 
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