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Tears Gator Tears

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Open thread time :)
 
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https://247sports.com/college/alabama/Board/116/Contents/I-emailed-UF-about-their-HC-Job-109675282

"For those of you new to BOL, I email ADs about their job openings. I started doing this a couple of years ago. Previous letters are in my history. Yes, I really send these. Enjoy.

Dear Mr. Stricklin,

My name is Troy Elliott, Head Ball Coach at the University of Florida. Allow that to stew for a moment. Go back at the top and reread. Allow the concept of it to permeate through your brain and nest itself in your heart. The University of Florida has a rich history of coaches through its history, such as Steve Spurrier, Ron Zook, Urban Meyer and Angry Will. I want to add to that pantheon of greatness, by becoming the first football coach to make the jump to the SEC from the Middle School ranks.
As I’m sure you already know, I just completed my first season as Head Football Coach for the Sardis Middle School Lions. During my time as head coach, I have been able to introduce such novel concepts as “deciding who my quarterback is going to be,” and “completing a forward pass.” I feel like these concepts will revolutionize Florida Football and bring in a new era of the Fun and Gun.
I also am familiar with the controversy that will inevitably follow a FBS football coach. While my players always use their own credit cards, I did deal with the turmoil of players sharing a lunch room number earlier this year. The Otis Spunkmeyer Incident resulted in suspensions and a tremendous number of prepackaged muffins lost. My life was personally threatened by Otis himself. I didn’t worry about it too much, because death threats are just part of the job.
I believe that I will fit right in as Head Football Coach at Florida. I use numerous strategies to connect with my players and assistant coaches. Just this past year, I took all my assistant coaches on a deep-sea fishing trip. Unfortunately, I consumed a hard lemonade on the way out and spent the majority of the trip looking for mermaids. While I am ashamed of this, it is better than becoming intoxicated and trying to MAKE a mermaid. I keep my naked shark hugs at home, so nothing to worry about there.
I also am connected enough to the players to recognize what is cool. I loved the uniforms that made Florida players look like real alligators. I immediately took the same approach with our middle school team, constructing uniforms out of fur to make us look like ferocious lions. I spent all weekend sewing manes onto shoulder pads while humming “The Circle of Life.” The uniforms resulted in 16 heat stokes, but ****, we looked good.
My heart yearns to be in Gainesville, getting a start on my new job. I am excited to get to live in a place as classy as Gainesville and become a real “A Florida man….” It is so nice that you have a town with all the charm of deadly hurricanes while avoiding the pesky annoyance of the beach. I have my jorts ready. The best part of this is that I was born in 1989, so I have existed for the entirety of Florida’s football relevance.
Please do not delay in your decision. I don’t want to rush, but I expect to hear from Tennessee very, very soon.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Troy Elliott"
 
crimson_cane said:
https://247sports.com/college/alabama/Board/116/Contents/I-emailed-UF-about-their-HC-Job-109675282

"For those of you new to BOL, I email ADs about their job openings. I started doing this a couple of years ago. Previous letters are in my history. Yes, I really send these. Enjoy.

Dear Mr. Stricklin,

My name is Troy Elliott, Head Ball Coach at the University of Florida. Allow that to stew for a moment. Go back at the top and reread. Allow the concept of it to permeate through your brain and nest itself in your heart. The University of Florida has a rich history of coaches through its history, such as Steve Spurrier, Ron Zook, Urban Meyer and Angry Will. I want to add to that pantheon of greatness, by becoming the first football coach to make the jump to the SEC from the Middle School ranks.
As I’m sure you already know, I just completed my first season as Head Football Coach for the Sardis Middle School Lions. During my time as head coach, I have been able to introduce such novel concepts as “deciding who my quarterback is going to be,” and “completing a forward pass.” I feel like these concepts will revolutionize Florida Football and bring in a new era of the Fun and Gun.
I also am familiar with the controversy that will inevitably follow a FBS football coach. While my players always use their own credit cards, I did deal with the turmoil of players sharing a lunch room number earlier this year. The Otis Spunkmeyer Incident resulted in suspensions and a tremendous number of prepackaged muffins lost. My life was personally threatened by Otis himself. I didn’t worry about it too much, because death threats are just part of the job.
I believe that I will fit right in as Head Football Coach at Florida. I use numerous strategies to connect with my players and assistant coaches. Just this past year, I took all my assistant coaches on a deep-sea fishing trip. Unfortunately, I consumed a hard lemonade on the way out and spent the majority of the trip looking for mermaids. While I am ashamed of this, it is better than becoming intoxicated and trying to MAKE a mermaid. I keep my naked shark hugs at home, so nothing to worry about there.
I also am connected enough to the players to recognize what is cool. I loved the uniforms that made Florida players look like real alligators. I immediately took the same approach with our middle school team, constructing uniforms out of fur to make us look like ferocious lions. I spent all weekend sewing manes onto shoulder pads while humming “The Circle of Life.” The uniforms resulted in 16 heat stokes, but ****, we looked good.
My heart yearns to be in Gainesville, getting a start on my new job. I am excited to get to live in a place as classy as Gainesville and become a real “A Florida man….” It is so nice that you have a town with all the charm of deadly hurricanes while avoiding the pesky annoyance of the beach. I have my jorts ready. The best part of this is that I was born in 1989, so I have existed for the entirety of Florida’s football relevance.
Please do not delay in your decision. I don’t want to rush, but I expect to hear from Tennessee very, very soon.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Troy Elliott"
Click to expand...

You sir, are an *******.


...I love it. XD
 
By the way, with all credit to Andy Staples of SI.com (and a UF grad), I am going to steal his nickname for UF.

DB-Useless.
 
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crimson_cane said:
https://247sports.com/college/alabama/Board/116/Contents/I-emailed-UF-about-their-HC-Job-109675282

"For those of you new to BOL, I email ADs about their job openings. I started doing this a couple of years ago. Previous letters are in my history. Yes, I really send these. Enjoy.

Dear Mr. Stricklin,

My name is Troy Elliott, Head Ball Coach at the University of Florida. Allow that to stew for a moment. Go back at the top and reread. Allow the concept of it to permeate through your brain and nest itself in your heart. The University of Florida has a rich history of coaches through its history, such as Steve Spurrier, Ron Zook, Urban Meyer and Angry Will. I want to add to that pantheon of greatness, by becoming the first football coach to make the jump to the SEC from the Middle School ranks.
As I’m sure you already know, I just completed my first season as Head Football Coach for the Sardis Middle School Lions. During my time as head coach, I have been able to introduce such novel concepts as “deciding who my quarterback is going to be,” and “completing a forward pass.” I feel like these concepts will revolutionize Florida Football and bring in a new era of the Fun and Gun.
I also am familiar with the controversy that will inevitably follow a FBS football coach. While my players always use their own credit cards, I did deal with the turmoil of players sharing a lunch room number earlier this year. The Otis Spunkmeyer Incident resulted in suspensions and a tremendous number of prepackaged muffins lost. My life was personally threatened by Otis himself. I didn’t worry about it too much, because death threats are just part of the job.
I believe that I will fit right in as Head Football Coach at Florida. I use numerous strategies to connect with my players and assistant coaches. Just this past year, I took all my assistant coaches on a deep-sea fishing trip. Unfortunately, I consumed a hard lemonade on the way out and spent the majority of the trip looking for mermaids. While I am ashamed of this, it is better than becoming intoxicated and trying to MAKE a mermaid. I keep my naked shark hugs at home, so nothing to worry about there.
I also am connected enough to the players to recognize what is cool. I loved the uniforms that made Florida players look like real alligators. I immediately took the same approach with our middle school team, constructing uniforms out of fur to make us look like ferocious lions. I spent all weekend sewing manes onto shoulder pads while humming “The Circle of Life.” The uniforms resulted in 16 heat stokes, but ****, we looked good.
My heart yearns to be in Gainesville, getting a start on my new job. I am excited to get to live in a place as classy as Gainesville and become a real “A Florida man….” It is so nice that you have a town with all the charm of deadly hurricanes while avoiding the pesky annoyance of the beach. I have my jorts ready. The best part of this is that I was born in 1989, so I have existed for the entirety of Florida’s football relevance.
Please do not delay in your decision. I don’t want to rush, but I expect to hear from Tennessee very, very soon.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Troy Elliott"
Click to expand...

pretty sure you will be getting a phone call soon after this very impressive letter..
 
Just to be clear, I didn't write the letter, just thought it was funny so passing it along.
 
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This is surreal .... 11:00 mark "flying around" reference

[video=youtube;OYtrDNyDm60]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYtrDNyDm60[/video]
 
Last edited:
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Gaytors have created a new injury report - there are now just 2 check-boxes for the coaches to mark:

_____ Upper Extremity

_____ Lower Extremity
 
crimson_cane said:
https://247sports.com/college/alabama/Board/116/Contents/I-emailed-UF-about-their-HC-Job-109675282

"For those of you new to BOL, I email ADs about their job openings. I started doing this a couple of years ago. Previous letters are in my history. Yes, I really send these. Enjoy.

Dear Mr. Stricklin,

My name is Troy Elliott, Head Ball Coach at the University of Florida. Allow that to stew for a moment. Go back at the top and reread. Allow the concept of it to permeate through your brain and nest itself in your heart. The University of Florida has a rich history of coaches through its history, such as Steve Spurrier, Ron Zook, Urban Meyer and Angry Will. I want to add to that pantheon of greatness, by becoming the first football coach to make the jump to the SEC from the Middle School ranks.
As I’m sure you already know, I just completed my first season as Head Football Coach for the Sardis Middle School Lions. During my time as head coach, I have been able to introduce such novel concepts as “deciding who my quarterback is going to be,” and “completing a forward pass.” I feel like these concepts will revolutionize Florida Football and bring in a new era of the Fun and Gun.
I also am familiar with the controversy that will inevitably follow a FBS football coach. While my players always use their own credit cards, I did deal with the turmoil of players sharing a lunch room number earlier this year. The Otis Spunkmeyer Incident resulted in suspensions and a tremendous number of prepackaged muffins lost. My life was personally threatened by Otis himself. I didn’t worry about it too much, because death threats are just part of the job.
I believe that I will fit right in as Head Football Coach at Florida. I use numerous strategies to connect with my players and assistant coaches. Just this past year, I took all my assistant coaches on a deep-sea fishing trip. Unfortunately, I consumed a hard lemonade on the way out and spent the majority of the trip looking for mermaids. While I am ashamed of this, it is better than becoming intoxicated and trying to MAKE a mermaid. I keep my naked shark hugs at home, so nothing to worry about there.
I also am connected enough to the players to recognize what is cool. I loved the uniforms that made Florida players look like real alligators. I immediately took the same approach with our middle school team, constructing uniforms out of fur to make us look like ferocious lions. I spent all weekend sewing manes onto shoulder pads while humming “The Circle of Life.” The uniforms resulted in 16 heat stokes, but ****, we looked good.
My heart yearns to be in Gainesville, getting a start on my new job. I am excited to get to live in a place as classy as Gainesville and become a real “A Florida man….” It is so nice that you have a town with all the charm of deadly hurricanes while avoiding the pesky annoyance of the beach. I have my jorts ready. The best part of this is that I was born in 1989, so I have existed for the entirety of Florida’s football relevance.
Please do not delay in your decision. I don’t want to rush, but I expect to hear from Tennessee very, very soon.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Troy Elliott"
Click to expand...

The title of Gator Tears grandmaster has just been awarded to you sir! Bravo
 
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jco11 said:
d--1 said:
This is surreal .... 11:00 mark "flying around" reference

[video=youtube;OYtrDNyDm60]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYtrDNyDm60[/video]
Click to expand...

Did he say stagnant quo..... twice?!?!
Click to expand...




You know, the "stagnant quo" is one of the most perfect terms that you can use to describe UF football. The stagnant quo.

Also, DB-Useless.
 
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