- Joined
- Nov 3, 2011
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- 48,223
THATS RIGHT MUTHAFUKKASSSS AND ****ETTESSS WE ARE BACK BABBBYYYYYY!!!
I hope yall enjoyed your rest week because it’s time once again to dust off those shakers, cut up some lines of pure Pharma grade DMAA, and prepare those sinuses for an onslaught reminiscent of Cam Ward in the 4th quarter against Cal
Its mother****in Bench Day
Our game last week against Brigham Young Episcopal could not have come at a better time
Everyone needed it. The players. The coaches. The fans. Our last two games tested our team in every way imaginable and somehow we did it
The anxiety inducing moments had to be on par with someone from Kentucky waiting for a paternity test at a family reunion
But we survived. Again. As I’ve said before, we are talented yes, but we are a team of destiny
Its fitting we are wearing the Stormtroopers
Next stop on the Miami Playoff Tour is another demon that needs exorcised:
Louisville
Just the word “Louisville” makes some Canes fans shake harder than Muhammad Ali after he sticks a fork in the toaster
People have been scared of Louisville since last season. You’d think Jeff Brohm was some sort of hybrid of Andy Reid, Bill Walsh, and Joe Gibbs
Just the mere mention of “Tyler Shough” has Cane fans puckering up faster than a sheep in Kentucky the moment they see their owner pop a little blue pill
Sack the **** up
If you’ve never heard a person from Louisville pronounce the city name it is truly something to behold. I heard D$ making fun of it and he nailed it. Remember the NCAA literally had to change academic qualifications because Louisville players were so stupid
“LUUUULLLLLLGGGHHVVVVLEEEE”
It sounds like Angela White trying to say it in the middle of one of her “work assignments”
Last years game against Lughhugrrrrrlllllleeeee was not pretty for our defense. Jeff Brohm gave Guidry a pounding that would make Jada Stevens wince. Our offense actually kept us in the game but the defense just couldn’t make the stop when we needed it
I heard after the game Guidry called legendary actress Ginger Lynn to ask her tips on “walking it off” the next day
They exposed flaws that have hurt Miami for decades. Crossers, underneath stuff, wheel routes etc
This trend has continued this year and the only team that allows tight ends to get more open than Miami is the Vatican
But this is a new week and a new opportunity with revenge on their minds wielding an offense that is going to put constant pressure on Lrghhhhttggggrrrggrrrlllleee to score TDs
This is why Miami walks into Louisville and stomps the Cardinals on the field not just the logo:
Cam: “With Cam Ward all things are possible” is something I’ve repeated since we signed him. We will go as far as Cam takes us. I imagine our locker room looks reminiscent of Lord of the Rings when Saruman marks the Urak-hai with the Hand but it’s Cam marking his receivers. They are our hope.
Bain: Not since Mark Morrison have we seen a Mack return like this. Our best player on D and it’s not close. The only thing Kentucky fans should be more scared of than a toothbrush is Rueben Bain
Wes: Someone has to step up and force some turnovers. Wes has quickly gone from punching bag to one of the better players on the defense. I expect Guidry to bait Louisville into a mistake much like letting a brother and sister in Kentucky share a bedroom
Chris Johnson: Dawson has quietly been adding wrinkles for CJJ all season and every time he touches the ball he’s a threat (pause). I expect him to him to score faster than a Kentucky fan the second his parents back out of the driveway
Verdict: Cam Ward and the Miami offense is just too much for a team to take. The defense will give up some yards and points but it will stiffen up like a Kentuckian when they find out their sister has an Only Fans
Bonus Joke:
Why do people from Kentucky do their cousins doggystyle?
So they can both watch the NASCAR race
Good Guys 38
Bad Guys 23
