Patke is so frickin useless
Hey, broski! Be careful!!! If you are going to knock Patke the LB coach, you better first put some respect on Patke's name as a special team's grandmaster guru.
Never forget that Patke is personally responsible for teaching Jose Borregales proper field goal kicking technique. Before Patke molded Borregales into the kicking adonis we all saw on display last season, the kid could barely go 3 for 3 with 2 50 yarders against Miami! If that's not enough, Patke the Peerless even managed to convince Jose's younger brother to come to UM, demonstrating never-before-seen skill in landing Andres from 6 miles off campus, as all signs indicated he was interested in following in his brother's footsteps... to the more local FIU, presumably.
And before Hedley had ever even thought of getting his first tattoo, the prolific Patke was in the lab mastering the intricate details of the drop-kick punt. You think Hedley learned to kick that way while working with some private punting coach or playing Aussie Rules football? Nah, it was all Patke.
Let's not even get into the man's cutting-edge kick/punt coverage schemes that will revolutionize college football once these other worthless coaches recruit their positions half as well as Patke and give him the manpower he needs to dominate. Everyone on CIS knows that if anyone at all on this team could just field a punt, Patke's intricate blocking patterns would have us in the end zone more than any team in the ACC.
As far as ST coaches go, he's practically a UM icon.