The More You Know...About Texas A&M

Dan E. Dangerously · Sep 15, 2022

Before the season started, everyone that wasn't memeing about "15-0," predicted a loss to A&M. It's a road game, against a top 10 team filled with blue chip recruits, and Miami hasn't won a big non-conference road game in forever. Then Texas A&M lost to App State and people started getting excited again. Now with the news of Xavier Restrepo being out with an injured foot, Van Dyke will be without his security blanket, and will need to be much better than he was last week. Hopefully Gattis puts him in a situation with his play calling that puts TVD in a rhythm early on that can carry forward throughout the game. Miami will have to play a **** near perfect game in all three phases to come away with a W.

1. Where they are in the rankings:

Before the season started Jimbo couldn't stop smiling. He beat Bama the year before, signed the #1 ranked recruiting class, and ethered Nick Saban in a response to cheating allegations.

Then the season started and now they're barely ranked. It's all fun and games until you lose to a Sun Belt team. Just ask Manny. Appalachian State didn't just beat them, they stole GameDay from them. Not since Candi, has someone named Fisher been beaten down this bad. Their cringe AF "Yell Leaders," couldn't keep them out of the news cycle once footage of the Midnight Yell from last week went viral.

Lulz. How in the Flying Spaghetti Monster's name can these guys talk **** about anyone else about anything? After trying and failing to scrub any video evidence of the Midnight Yell from existence, you know they are going to be extremely cautious about what they say about Miami now. ****, 90% of the material was going to be about Cocaine, Thug U, and Cuban Refugees. Whatever, Texas A&M sucks. Their two greatest coaches, Bear Bryant and Gene Stallings won titles elsewhere. Also, just like the land their school sits on was stolen from Mexico, they stole the "12th Man" thing from Iowa.

These guys are so MID they have to steal things from Iowa of all places just to seem interesting.

2. What happened the last time Miami played Texas A&M?

From the Associated Press:

…Robert Marve threw two touchdown passes and Graig Cooper ran for career-high 128 yards and two scores as Miami picked apart Texas A&M's defense in a 41-23 rout Saturday.

Marve, a redshirt freshman making his second career start, completed 16 of 22 passes for 212 yards. The Hurricanes (2-1) piled up 398 yards on 57 plays -- an average of 6.98 yards per offensive snap -- and handed A&M its worst nonconference defeat at Kyle Field since a 30-10 loss to Alabama in 1988....

Marve was slinging it that day. Not even the game of musical chairs Randy played with the QB rotation of Jacory Harris phased young Robert. Graig Cooper also had a big day. Bill Young's defense was making Glenn Cook look good. Miami's best play didn't even count as one of Patrick Nix's patented bubble screens for Theoron Collier was taken off the board because of a pre-snap penalty on Hankerson. It also helps that those A&M teams of the late aughts were the only FBS team the aforementioned Nix was ever able to run up the score on.

3. Who to be scared of:

Devon Achane

This guy is a stud. He runs hard, has blazing speed, and rushed for almost 1,000 yards last year as a backup. Now he's the starter and picking up where he left off, scoring both of the Aggies touchdowns last week (one on the ground and the other on a kickoff return). We've done well against the run so far this season, but we haven't faced anything close to Achane yet.

Here is what he's capable of:

4. Player that will score against us:

Ainias Smith

When Smith isn't getting arrested for weapons, DWI, and drug charges, he's a great wide receiver. My biggest nightmare is him getting matched up on the outside against you know who.

Here are some of his highlights:

5. Person that will **** you off:

Jimbo

There are a lot of strong contenders for this spot. The previously mentioned Yell Leaders seemed like low hanging fruit after last week. It would've been really easy to put Yulkeith Brown, Amari Daniels, or Shemar Stewart in this spot. You know as South Florida natives, they cannot wait to make the most routine play ever as an excuse to throw down the U. They certainly will and that's ok. Go rep the 305 while going 8-4. Knock yourselves out. They still don't hold a candle to Jimbo's ****tyness. Seriously, fvck this guy. Not since Larry Coker has someone with so much done so little. If you ever wondered to yourself what Steve Spurrier would be like if he were unfunny, you'd get Jimbo. Then you remember that he got a contract extension last year through 2031 worth over $90 million. All while having a worse record at A&M than Kevin Sumlin. Curious.

6. Some other guy

Antonio Johnson

Johnson is one of the best safeties in the country. Projected to be a first round pick in next year's NFL draft. They play him all over the field at Nickel, Safety, and even Dime.

This is him doing his thing:

7. If A&M were a Kevin Smith movie, they would be:

MV5BMjE0NDA2NDI0Nl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwNjY1MjQ3._V1_.jpg

Clerks II

Like Kevin Smith, Texas A&M used to be a big deal. However, when you WILLINGLY put "aTm" on your helmet, you're kinda asking for it.

8. Favorite A&M related Image, Photoshop, Video, or Gif:

This is from 1981, back when the Pony Express ran things in Texas. Apparently there was some rule against opposing cheerleaders going on the field after a touchdown. This ~~*******~~ hero felt like he needed to draw his sabre on them after an SMU touchdown. Of course he ends up getting his *** knocked to the ground by said cheerleaders.

9. Game Day Mascot: